Be Offended!

How many times have we been offended by words similar to the following: “It doesn’t bother me that you’re gay, so long as you… _____________.” You can fill in the blank. I’ve heard everything from “…try to kiss me” to “…keep your sex-life private”. What is the hang-up with homophobic people and their fear that we want to somehow molest or convert them?
The point I’m trying to make is that I get offended in every instance that 1. A person feels I need them to tell me that I have their approval to be gay and 2. That that approval is somehow qualified by a statement that makes it clear that they are not gay themselves and that they really don’t approve at all. I do the same thing when someone tells me they have a disease: ‘Oh, you have a cold? That’s okay, so long as you don’t try to kiss me.’
What is even worse is that if I express that I am offended, I offend! What? I’m supposed to be overjoyed that someone is tolerant enough to say something like that?! Sure, they mean well, that is, they intend to mean well. What they do in fact is express how they truly feel. “I’m better than you but I’ll toss you a bone” “Hey I like gay people so long as they know their place.” “You’re good enough to serve my food and work my retail counter but don’t presume to ask me on a date.”
Heterosexual men and women are able to pre-qualify potential romantic encounters based on sex alone right? Wrong! So why make the presumption that that is what we do? At the risk of sounding arrogant, simply being a man is hardly enough to qualify you for a date with me. In fact, I’m not even in the dating market.
Just like many men in hetero families, I am in a happy committed relationship. I have partner, a 12-year-old son and a normal work and social life. When I meet a woman she can see that I’m male. Never have I met a woman who has said: “I see that you’re male, I’m fine with that, just don’t try one of those cheesy come on lines okay?” Even when they find out that I’m single, they say nothing. So, why does it need to be stated that I should specifically not discuss certain things when It comes up that I’m gay? What do people fear I might say?
At work I get this more than any other place. This is scary because I work in a police station. This is the place where folks carry guns, aren’t afraid of anything and protect the people who are. Really? Maybe if every time someone said something so stupid, they were confronted with the truth of their offense, they would change how they perceive us. I, for one, am not opposed to asking “would you have said that if I were a woman?” to a man who has asked me not to hit-on him; or, “should I clear my conversations through you?” to the woman who asks that I not speak of my relations with men.
In the spirit of keeping a level playing field, the very least we could do is to repeat what is said to us verbatim to show just how ridiculous it sounds.